I hope to get into the professional industry soon, working in book illustration or potentially for games companies.
My boyfriend and I come home after being out getting the car washed. It is spring. It’s a beautiful sunny day, even if a bit windy. There’s flowers everywhere. I walk into the kitchen and go to put a dish in the sink when suddenly the biggest bee in all of Australia is hovering around in front of my face.
I dash out of the kitchen with the dish. “THERE’S A BEE IN THE KITCHEN IT’S SO BIG” I scream at my boyfriend. He begins to panic, having a larger fear than I have. I have actually never been stung by a bee, so I have no idea if I am allergic. My only memories as a child of other kids being stung by bees is the horrible pain and tears it brought to them, and my best friend who was allergic and had to wear a thong to school for several days because her entire foot swelled up and was horribly red. On the other hand my boyfriend has been stung WAY TOO MANY TIMES and has developed a nasty phobia.
Then the bee comes into the loungeroom from the kitchen!! My boyfriend and I scream and run into the safety of the bathroom and slam the door. How the hell are we going to get this thing out of the house!? If we leave the door or kitchen window open it could just let more bees in! We start making a plan.
"Where’s the fly spray?" I ask. "In the kitchen, in a cupboard!" my boyfriend says, fear in his eyes. He opens the door to see if the bee has gone into the kitchen. It hasn’t. "I didn’t bring my phone in here, so we can’t call for help" I say. "We could wait for our housemate to get home and he can deal with it?" suggests my boyfriend. But I was really hungry and had not had lunch so I was determined to get it out of the kitchen. Also our housemate was not due home for about 4 hours, I was not going to stay in the bathroom that long.
I notice another problem. My cat is an indoor-cat only, so we can’t leave doors or windows open if she’s not locked away. I open the door and peek out to see where the cat is…AAHHH!! The bee came straight for the door and I slammed it shut. We had to lure the cat into the bathroom! We tried calling to her, but surprise surprise, she ignored me as always. My boyfriend came up with the idea to make frantic high-pitch meowing like baby kittens in distress. A cruel but necessary action. Sure enough she comes running to the bathroom, meowing at the door. Rather than scared kittens in trouble she is met with me leaping out and dragging her into the bathroom out of desperation to get her in before the bee returns. Confusion and betrayal in her eyes, we lock her in the bathroom and warily proceed into the loungeroom. She is safe for now.
We see that the bee has finally gone back into the kitchen and quickly slam the door shut, locking it in. Big mistake.
We open up both the back door and the front door, there’s a good strong breeze coming through. We quickly open the kitchen door and run a few meters back, keeping our eyes glued on the door. What feels like an eternity passes, and the bee is nowhere to be seen. We slowly creep up to the door and peer in….nothing. However, the blind is closed so I decide to head outside to see if it is under the blind. My boyfriend stays inside to keep an eye on the kitchen.
I can’t see it anywhere, but then another gigantic bee happens to be outside having fun with the flowers that are directly outside the window and I try to flee inside. It comes near me and the door, but the fly-wire door is being held open with a spacer on the compressed-air-thingy-that-keeps-doors-from-slamming-shut. I struggle to pull the spacer back to shut the door, it won’t budge! My boyfriend let’s out a shriek “LOOK OUT AAAHHH!!” the bee was coming right for me! I try to flee inside, accidentally pulling the compressed-air-thingy off the door and it falls to the ground. We run back inside the house, but thankfully the second bee decides to stay outside. It has spared our lives. My boyfriend goes and shuts the door.
Suddenly something is buzzing around the loungeroom! We run for cover and look back- only to see it is a false alarm. It’s just a stupid fly. (The flies can be as big as the damn bees here).
We slowly creep into the kitchen and look around. It’s not on the walls, not in the sink, not on the dish rack…nowhere. I karate chopped the tea towels that were hanging over the bench. Nope. We tried rustling the open box of cereal on top of the fridge. Still nope. I go to get the fly spray out of the cupboard, half expecting a swarm of bees to come out when I open the doors. Thankfully no bees, but I did get the spray. We then realize we may have shut it behind the door! We dash back out of the kitchen and my boyfriend sprays behind the door from over the top. We wait a few moments, but hear no buzzing and nothing emerged.
I am SO HUNGRY at this point that I quickly open the fridge door, grab some bread and dash back out with it. I sat outside the door nomming bread, watching my boyfriends back as he searched the kitchen, slowly walking around like a deer in a meadow… he shrieks and runs out!! I also freak out and run with him. We look back only to see it is the STUPID FUCKING FLY AGAIN!
After about a half an hour of thoroughly searching and managing to open the blind most of the way (it is just one big solid piece of fabric that rolls up), we are convinced of where the bee got in and that it managed to get out again. There is a giant fan thingy attached to the window right next to the large bush/tree that had flowers in it. We did have a plastic bag taped down over it to keep bugs from getting in, however it seems the left side of the bag had come off. We are convinced it isn’t in the kitchen anymore, relax and begin to re-tape the bag. We first spray a HELL OF A LOT of flyspray into and around the fan first. We also keep the kitchen window open a bit to air it out.
My boyfriend does the taping up while I stand next to him cutting the strips of tape. He tapes up the left side, all good. He goes to tape up the right side and FUCKING FUCK FUCK HELL FUCK DAMNIT AAHH THE FUCKING BEE!!!! THE BEE WAS RIGHT IN MY BOYFRIENDS FACE HIDING JUST TO THE RIGHT OF THE FAN THAT WAS STILL A BIT UNDER THE BLIND!!! WE NEARLY HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK AND WE FLEE FOR OUR FUCKING LIVES!!!
My boyfriend is having heart palpitations. He hands me the fly spray.
I slowly sneak in and spray all around and up into the blind, ready to fucking run the moment I see anything. I feel like Nicholas Cage right now. Surely this fucking thing will fall to its death at any moment now. Surely no bug can survive the rain of terror I just let out from this can.
Both my boyfriend and I stand just outside the kitchen door, watching. Waiting. Sweat beads on our brow, the suspense is overwhelming.
Finally it leaves the blind and starts buzzing near the window! My boyfriend rushes outside to watch the window while I wait inside to make sure it doesn’t simply fall to the ground. The bee gets so close to the window that I decide to shut the door and run out to join my boyfriend.
The bee gets so close to the open window….then away…NOW IT’S ON THE WINDOW. YES…YES…IT’S WALKING ON THE OPEN WINDOW THAT’S HANGING OUT…YESSSS….NOW IT’S ON THE INSIDE OF THE EDGE OF THE WINDOW HANGING OVER THE GARDEN!!!!!…NOW BACK INSIDE. NO! FUCK!! OK OK NOW IT’S BACK ON THE EDGE OF THE WINDOW…HHNNNNGGHHHHHHHHH HOW IS THIS THING NOT DEAD YET!? IS IT FUCKING INVINCIBLE?!
I begin to lose hope that we’d ever be allowed in our house again when YES!! IT FINALLY FUCKING FALLS OUT AND FLIES AWAY!! YESSSS we duck and ran as fast as we could back into the house, slammed the door and closed the kitchen window.
The last hour and a half was the most horrific and terrifying time of our lives. I also have a new born hatred for large flies.
I let my cat out of the bathroom, she is now safe from the terror we faced. I am convinced that the bee was some sort of lab experiment that got out of hand in someone’s basement nearby. Surely a bee that big and that resilient to bug spray is no normal bee, because I see no other way it could’ve survived so much spray to the face.
I feel bad for the bee, but it is thankfully now over.
And this is why I was late to work today.